Nausea

Airports make everyone lonely. Even with family, special (really?)other, and friends, somehow you must travel and no one else takes that. So when alone, it is easiest, to be alone. It is Weltschmerz implemented, or Sartre's Nausea, and that beer glass you can't look at. It sitting down for so long, needing to shave, needing to shower, needing to read, needing to sleep, and whatever else... Have a coffee and cigarette and shiver out there. Or come inside and lay your tired head on marble floor (hide your bowl and camera). Every twenty minutes suffering, the true one within, wakes you up. That is when you realize you are alone, no matter what. So here either you fear or you rejoice in the freedom. Make a choice or run from (then your freudian ego made the choice - you become on of the masses and still lonely). I decided to hope for the first choice. Then I decided to love, first that power who put me here, then me, because I was put here. Then that person next to me asleep and who is afraid. After that I decided to watch the sun rise, not with my eyes, but with my solitude. That is what happened to the loneliness, it rose from the depths of the night within, where it was clawed down by sunken hollow ships' anchors. It rose to the surface of within to where I could grasp it. I saw this corpse of existence, washed moss green and faded coral blue- and I really didn't know, nothing with my mind could explain. But I knew with passion and faith - and it become a bright phoenix, all by itself without anyone or anything but the wilderness of the mysteries to roam in.