welcher liebe
bin schuldig
wenn es mir brennt
trotz leerer arme.
Man fragt mir nach almosen
und ich zuende
zigaretten fuer uns
welcher einsamkeit
bist du schuldig
wenn ich doch neben dir sitze.

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hellalujah
Hell comes to the
Heart of my happiness
It will put some fire up my ass
But for now I can’t see why I can be
This student
Of life.
Singing lalalala for the mind
Singing lalalala lies for the lying heart.

It’s the thing I am most afraid of
Beinghuman
Being alive.
Why do they say I can’t run away
Why can’t I take a pillow case
And suffocate
Why can’t I bleed and
Die
Why is it human to struggle
A conflict
Why do we have to strive through?
These Troubles coming like torpedos
We have to dodge
And when hit
Just call a medic
And cry on his shoulder
“I am going die, Oh my God
I am going to die!”
And you will be alright
Why not cry
“I am going to die, thank my God,
I am going to die”
And whimper a last breath
With a smile on your face
Then angels might sing
Hallelujah
You found no reason to live
Because why would God love to see me
Being purposeless?
Why should I be a bulletless gun?
Why should I scrounge the creek side
For slick rocks
When I’ve got no sling
To kill my own goliath
Let his club swing
At bees like me
I can sting
And I can die.
Hallelujah
The angels will sing
That forgiveness is giving up.
Worries will make you sick
Worries are the devil
Hallelujah
They will sing
They be shining lights
As you faint
because blood pours from your wrists.

I can tell you
That drugs lie
You will be happy
To forget the truth
You will want to die
And you will want to throw up after
You do.

Is that alright
If I give up
And run away
To grey comfort
Of pale pillars abandoned
By society for sanity
Where weeds play the destruction like
A green cough in the cracks of these temples
Of plasticity
Serve me my café ole
With coffee and espresso
To burn these moments into my brain.
Is that alright
If I pray on my knees
To a dead grey god
Murdered by words
And worship our dying
Magicians of canneries
Where we grey dumbfounded
Have put our friends and mothers
Into the airtight shells
Of a mass market.
Is that alright
If I never speak again
Because a tornado would kill
Me if breathed out
An idea of life.
Where plain destruction
Would not be asked to be understood.

Halleluja.

I want to live a life
To die and say I forget.

And these drugs
Chemicals of cranium craning around my lungs
So I sleep a false sleep
And can’t understand you
I can’t see you
I can’t hear you
Laugh at me.

In the end
We all know
That we die
We all throw
Away truths for lies.
We are old
And forget what we are told
We want to
Know that we die
Halleluja

It slips around your mind
Like a slippery grey nooze
Siltently slicking slapping choke around my ears and eyes
Hearing muffled mumbles meaning
Nothing to their incommensurability
When you say lalalala
I want to die
Because I see grey groanings from all your eyes
And the leaves are dead digging themselves into the ground
With the help of defecating bugs.

Fluids

I want to lie on my side
To let the fluid run out of my ear.
These infections
They are like honey
To the depressed.
They are like a cantus
For the dying.

When Sick

Words from "Fear and Trembling" by Kierkegaard as translated by Hong.

"Not with a bang, but a whimper."

A bang is loud for now
But a whimper is quiet
It just takes a harvest moon
To look upon
It just takes
A cold, cold cold night
With stars hiding
It just takes people
Leaving for
The commercial piety
And the devotions to magazines
It just takes
Paris Hilton to regret
And everyone tears up.
Or at least turns on the tv.
A bang is quiet beyond the now.
And Whimpers are louder tomorrow.

Who do you believe now?
Who do you believe now!
Who do you believe now?
Who do you believe now!
Who do you believe now?
Who do you believe now!
Who do you believe now?
Who do you believe now!
Who do you believe now?
Who do you believe now!
Who do you believe now?
Who do you believe now!
Who do you believe now?
Who do you believe now!
Who do you believe now?
Who do you believe now!
Who do you believe now?
Who do you believe now!
Who made you believe.

These days

I saw the panther
As it grew
More black and more sleek
Like this mind and soul
Surviving in a jungle
Of society.