Silenced Love

I wish I didn't recognize
the deepest ideas in my soul
I wish they were buried
like cursed treasures beneath scorching sand
I wish I could just wander the surface of the sahara
run ans die and dry and thirst
and never find out
that responsibility
is a thing that is farther than my legs can carry me
a thing wider than my arms can hug
that I slip into lazyness
that my eyes
see sandstorms and hazyness
that my skies
are dark with slyness
God writing crumpled papers
tossing them behind is back
disgruntled, blowing these winds in my face
I love and love and love myself
to try and love and love and love another self

love, coming away
it will leave
because I want to stay
here in a starry night
and heave
with a breath that i breathe
to bring the stars to shine
fanning each little spark in the sky

because if love leaves
then I can uncover my soul
from winter worn leafes
where underneath a truer path
has been hibernating
awaiting
to awaken
like a burly bear
king of the northern lands
where his paws wouldn't burn
on scorch hot sands
like the words of
those who fell in the love of the south
(where all love is only love for their own house)

yeah, yeah, I want to be
in a way
that in a way
that somehow without love
is love
that somehow
words aren't words
since somehow
grace is grace
and everything I do
everything I love
is only a love of myself
so that I want it to leave
because I want to stay
in the day
of my soul
that somehow God is God
and that is love
removed from my cousin
like flourishing resin
It oozes in clarity
in a summer of the north

and I don't want to love
because that is love
and I don't want to live
because that is life
and I don't want to believe
because that is faith
and I don't want to breathe
because that is breath

(only when you know that you have a shadow, can you hide it and run from it.)

come on out here
waiting for me
come on outwear
waiting for love
common you swear
waiting too long
mine and yours wait
wander in hate
mine and yours wait
wander too late
I need more than
I need to leave
these things behind
these things are blind
to myself and
to myself and
god himself and
to myself and
to myself and
god himself and
to myself and
to myself and
god himself and
starting again

am I gone away
am writing astray?
am I need this way
words crumble
sentence
am i need this be this blessing see
this way we need to be
this way i see
in darker
shadows
that I see and hide
wide and and and I lied

oh come on hate!
you are LOVE!
you are what I hate
because and and and
I need to
you forget to
they tell me to
he wants to
she wishes to
but and and and

(breathe
breathe

breathe
breathe)
....

eyelids
heavy
with a sleep so damn long
they open
and eyes hurt to see for the first time
this seeing
like light
coming
into
my mind
in the form
of physical pinnacles
probing
my brain
to consciousness
and it is funny that the first awareness is body
and not thought
that I think
that makes me exist
my first awareness is this fresh flesh
that will die in hundred years
or tomorrow
but this is being awake for today
for now