The Room

I
Here
When I was a child –
But I am here now
When the tears are at the brim
To never spill over for relief
This is the agony I will tell about

II
There was a sunshine of simple glory
With shades dancing in compromise
Casting away their own evil from light
And there were my bare feet
And hers
Walking among the shadow dances
Glimpsing this light as the thing we have in common
To find it
When we do, I put my hand on her shoulder blade
Feeling her smooth skin
The blood flowing out of her marrow through the cracks of the bones
And to her lips to mine
With the light dancing our shadows into a compromise
With our own evil cast behind us

This knot in my chest
The dark nothingness pulling my eyelids apart
To see the dream dissolve into my own musty room
Like the dusted books on my shelf

III
There were the candles’ simple glory
With shades of light (colours) in our faces
Casting our isolation into the dark night
With light creating a filling hollow for community
And there were my hands on the mug
And theirs
Lighting out conversation to a bigger capacity of love
Glimpsing this as this thing we have in common
To find it
When we do, we write, paint and sing
Of a community
The blood flowing from the cracks of our veins into the cracks of the lightless
Back to ours and His
With shades of light in our faces
Casting our isolations into the dark night

And this murmur in my chest
The darkest whisper pulling my eyelids apart
To see the dream dissolve in my musty room
Like the forgotten letters in the shoebox

IV
There was the old heavy sun in its simple glory
With shades bowing down in long lines
Transforming sin to a death for prayer
And there was my house
And a rocky beach
With the silently lapping water in a dying vital coldness
Glimpsing the life I’ve chopped for the fire
To have found it
And when I do, in my old grey days
Of solitude
The blood flowing from the cracks of my life and fire
To the cold water
With shades bowing down in long lines
Making my sin into a death for prayer

And this tremor in my chest
The intelligible hands pulling my eyelids apart
To see the dreams escape through my windows
Like I have been trapped in this musty room

V
The cracks in my bones grow
And the marrow of patience
Slips away
The cracks in my veins grow
And the blood of my love
Slips away
The cracks in my life and fire
And the salvation of my soul
Slips away

VI
Staring through the windows
Seeing my dreams dance in wild evolution and revolution
And freedom of
And myself here
Staring at the mirror
Seeing my lazy whiskers and strangled hair underneath my hat

With my hollow mind and body
In a room I cant let myself out of
The desiring pain when looking
Through the window
Make me feel lifeless and barren
Here
Not when I was a child
But where I am now
Where tears are at the brim
Never to be spilled over for relief
This is the agony I can never tell about